Choices

 

There lies between thought and deed the gate to life’s path, decisions. There is only black or white, yes or no, do or don’t. People may try to convince themselves otherwise but in the end these few options are all that are truly open to the chooser. That is far too simple an explanation you say? Is it? Life is a complex dance, an orchestral movement of multiple choices, nuances and shades of gray, small adjustments to a course set for happiness, as we navigate the river of our lives.

Bullshit. Fire the crucible of your daily lives and heat the events to their critical point, to where they are reduced to their most basic and purest state. You will find black and white, yes or no, do or don’t. Mind you that I have not spoken of right and wrong, good or bad. Those labels will attach themselves as situations derived from gates passed through come to fruition. Gates? Yes gates. For every yes or no, do or don’t, black or white leads to yet another of the same, another gate to pass through, to open, to close, a new path or branch in the river. Simplicity leads to complexity. Take for example the final day of Caleb Dane.

June 3 2004

The digital alarm clock buzzed and flashed 6:00A.M and an arm burst forth from under the blue striped sheet, slamming a fist down on the snooze button, silencing it.

“Shit! I’ve got to get out of here. Cal can you call me a cab?”

“You’re a cab.” Caleb muttered his voice slovenly with weariness.

“Damn it Cal. I’m getting married in 6 hours.”

“Give my regards to the groom.” He said sliding himself to a seated position resting against the headboard. Caleb’s hands scratched at his head and rubbed his eyes trying to wake himself. His eyes focused on the view of the room. Alley stood at the foot of the bed, gathering her clothes and trying to slip into her panties.

Midway between his chin and his feet stood his best friend and enemy. “Alley, some one wants to say good morning.” He pointed to his erection. “Sure you don’t want one more ride?”

“Cal you only got it last night because Gregg decided to power wash that stripper's tonsils. If it hadn’t been you then it would have been Rick or Steve. You ain’t all that.”

“Bitch.” He said under his breath, noting that his lust had left him. Swinging his feet to the floor he stood. The tile floor was cold and sent a chill through his body. Caleb pulled on his “tightey whiteys” and picked up the phone. Speed dial six, his usual way of sending home the “help”. That was how he viewed his bitches, rocks on, rocks off. Bye-bye birdie. “Yes, send a cab to 318 Bales. Thanks.” He turned to Alley. “It’s on the way. Want some coffee?”

“I don’t have time! Its bad enough I have to leave here with you running down my legs.”

“No extra charge.” Caleb snickered.

“Are you coming to the wedding?” Alley asked as she stepped into her jeans, sliding the zipper up over the white satin front of her panties.

“Haven’t decided. Oh by the way, last night was your wedding present, or Gregg’s any way.” He laughed.

“Cal if you weren’t such a prick sometimes, you might be an all right kind of guy. Its no wonder Jen dumped you.” Alley pulled on her T-shirt, the fabric bound up atop her breasts, she tugged at it until it relented and unfurled covering the curves of her form. She stuffed her bra into her bag and grabbed her shoes as a horn sounded from the street below. “I’m so out of here. Cal for the record, you suck in bed and if you ever tell anyone, I’ll deny it.” She strode out the door, leaving the emasculated Caleb watching the door shut behind her.

“Fuck you very much.” He whispered. Caleb snuck a cup of coffee from the carafe and was about to drink when a knock came at the door.

“Wonder what she forgot.” He thought. “Hang on.” He walked to the door and opened it. The horrified face of Alley, her hair clenched in the fist of Gregg who stood behind her, was his last sight.

“Hope it was good for the both of you fucks!” Gregg pushed the barrel of the gun against the back of Alley’s head and pulled the trigger. The bullet shattered the woman’s skull exited her face just below her eye brow and then smashed into Caleb’s face over his right eye. They both died instantly.

May 8 2004

Caleb walked into the Dunkin Donuts at 4:39 P.M. The case on the back wall, under the brazen light of the droning ceiling fluorescents, was filled with multi colored confections and made to order arterial sclerosis, some of his favorite foods. He ordered the usual, “big one, cream 4 sugars”. The woman behind the counter, overly enthusiastic in her pink and tan uniform, the apron stained with coffee and jelly from whatever donut she had mishandled, obliged and took his money. He took a seat at the counter beside the window and looked out onto the traffic filled intersection of Main and Salem. Caleb swept the remnants of spilled sugar off the counter and then wiped his hand on the leg of his jeans, the sensation of the granules on his skin like sandpaper or the unshaven leg of one of his many helpers. Caleb had though been suffering a bit of a dry spell these last few weeks. Since his break up with Jen he felt as if the entirety of the female population had labeled him pariah. Any and all advances he had tried over the last few evenings at bars and clubs had met with only rejection and laughter. Caleb decided that if he couldn’t score some tail this night he might have to hire it out. It had been years since he had had the need to pick up a hooker, not since he had just recently moved to the city and had yet to make any friends. He had used the services of the local whores quite frequently for those first months. Then he met Gregg, Rick and Steve at Boomer’s. Boomer’s bar had always been a target rich environment and the guys had shown him who to ask, how to ask and how not to accept no for an answer. The four of them became legends in their own minds and the brunt of a plethora of bad jokes shared by the female clientele in secret. Sure they had been a bit rambunctious and rough around the edges, maybe even a little pushy, but the rape charges had been dropped and un-convicted meant the same as innocent if you asked them. Regardless the foursome no longer hung out at Boomer’s, since then it changed to Buddies, a gay bar sporting a rainbow banner in every window and a rainbow awning over the front entrance. Even the “Parking in Rear” sign was done in the multi-colored emblematic way of the gay. They now called Gunter’s their own.

Gunter’s bar stood across from the university library and faculty parking garage. The amount of tail that walked through the doors was incredible. There, was what seemed an endless flow of lovely co-eds, in search of a quiet place to sit, study and drink. Caleb had scored most of his best help here. Tonight he would meet the guys at Gunter’s and do his best to get Gregg fucked up enough to get him to call off the wedding. He was, Gregg that is, making a grave mistake marrying Alley. She was a whore of the worst kind, the kind that wanted a ring. Caleb had arranged to have a stripper and 3 fifths of Scotch to convince Gregg of the mistake he was heading for. He hoped it would be enough.

September 9 1977

Cookie Moscetto sat on the picnic table behind the school. It was a warm day and Cookie was wearing her shortest Daisy Dukes and a half shirt that left very little to the imagination of Ray and Gabe as they sat watching her from the seat of their “69”Charger. Cookie was 16 and from all available information still cherry, a condition Ray and Gabe had a mind to change.

“Did you ask her out?” Gabe asked.

“Couple of times. She says her mom won’t let her date yet.” Ray replied.

“Her mom is a fox. I seen her at the beach last summer she got a killer bod.”

“You freak she’s old, gotta be at least 35. Are you into old broads or something? Cookie on the other hand, now that’s a killer body.” Ray said pointing to the girl perched on the picnic table.

The two of them watched as Cookie continued to read and while the other kids in the park slowly cleared out. “As soon as the nerd with the kite splits, we’ll grab her.”

“What do you mean grab her?” Gabe asked with a look of concern beginning to show on his face. Gabe was all about talking trash, but Ray looked to have something more than trash talk in mind.

“Do you want to screw her or not?” Ray asked.

“I thought you said she wasn’t allowed to date.”

“I ain’t asking her out for a date, just getting me some action.” Ray started the car and moved over to where Cookie sat.

“Hey Cookie, wanna go to the arcade and watch us play some Tail Gunner?” Ray asked. “We could get some pizza too if you want.”

“Hi Ray. Hi Gabe. I can’t, my mom would kill me. Thanks though, you guys have fun.” She replied.

“You just going to sit there all afternoon?” Ray asked.

“I can’t go home yet. My mom has her boyfriend over and he don’t leave till 4:30. He gives me the creeps. I was going to go hang at the library, but I missed the bus.”

“We could drop you at the library. It’s on the way.”

Gabe listened as Ray weaved his web of lies hoping to get the girl in the car. He was though more troubled by the thought of what might happen after Ray convinced her to come along. His mind raced, he struggled with what to do. What Ray had in mind, was rape. Cookie was a nice girl, she didn’t deserve that. Cookie moved from her place on the table and over to the car door.

“I don’t know.” Cookie sighed.

“Come on. Who will ever know?” Ray said opening the car door and stepping out. The look in his eyes spurred Gabe’s decision.

Black or white, yes or no, do or don’t.

“Cookie, no! Ray don’t do it!” Gabe cried.

Cookie back peddled. Ray lurched to grab her. Gabe grabbed Ray by the leg as he attempted to catch Cookie. Ray fell to the ground in time only to watch as the object of his lust ran toward the safety of the school. Ray beat the shit out of Gabe.

Gabe never regretted his decision.

Cookie was never raped by Ray.

Caleb was not born the product of the rape. Instead he was born 8 years later. Cookie and Gabe were loving and kind parents.

Gregg never knew Caleb, he never cheated on Alley.

Alley never slept with Caleb.

Alley became a pediatrician and married Gregg, an investment banker.

Alley and Gregg gave birth to Jason.

Jason joined the Nation of Muslim in 2028 and detonated a suitcase sized anti-matter bomb at the Super Bowl killing 11 million.